If only someone knew how I felt ...

I just want to share my joy! Finally, I'm done with my finals! The past month has been pure hell. Massive assignments are really really strangling. At some point, I was having difficulties in coping with some major units. I couldn’t understand the Australian democracy etc therefore I had a little delay here and there. Emotional broke down and mood swung a good 360 degrees. I sincerely apologize to those I’ve yelled on and thanks for the concerns and supports throughout these period. I've been running to the library (Though not as frequent as my friends), which at the same time got pissed by my laptop due to its “merajukness”! It hangs whenever I switch it on.

I can't make regular meal patterns and eat far less than I should. I’m not a huge fan of instant food, but can you imagine I had them for dinner few days in a row? Or sometimes skipping breakfast and lunch. I was way too lazy to cook a better and healthier meal. Perhaps should I say I can’t afford to waste these times? Lol.

On a different note, I received a bad news from a friend. This pretty lady’s ex-boyfriend passed away few days ago. He and friends went picnic at the waterfall and as they enter the water, a strong gush of water tumbled them in. Three of them were swept away at the waterfall and drowned. I can’t stop tearing as I browse through the couple’s pictures. Those were beautiful memories. But why is God treating him this way? He is only 20! Why? Tell me how fragile one life is?

The feeling of lost love is painful. It’s one of the greatest fears in going through the rough patch in life. Guys, please appreciate your loved ones. Whatever it is, accident has happened and I’m sure those who have passed on wouldn't want to see us grieving over them? I pray that their soul will be at ease. R.I.P James Khor!

Love.

Stress

Oh boy ... This is getting ridiculously tiresome!

My biological clock is screwed.

Life has been rather dull these days.

Which is none other than rushing over assignments.

And it takes forever to complete!

Time is so limited.
Distraction is everywhere.
Confusion in mind.

Terrible insomnia.

Depression and unstable mood.

Haih ...
Am having breathing difficulties nowadays.
Sometimes can even felt a sudden heartache.
What is wrong with me?

.........................

...................

..............

It's time to relax my mind I reckon?

This is what I want after my finals!

Yes! More outings, clubbing and shopping!

- Went Moose before struggling for our finals and dues. I love hanging out with them! -

- Floriade 09! My favourite shot of the day -

Today just breezed past with a surreal tranquillity.
Can't wait for summer.
Hopefully I'll be returning home as planned.

有些事，一转身就是一辈子‏

有些人一直没机会见，等有机会见了，却又犹豫了，相见不如不见。 　　
有些事一直没机会做，等有机会了，却不想再做了。 　　
有些话埋藏在心中好久，没机会说，等有机会说的时候，却说不出口了。 　　
有些爱一直没机会爱，等有机会了，已经不爱了。 　　
有些人很多机会相见的，却总找借口推脱，想见的时候已经没机会了。 　　
有些话有很多机会说的，却想着以后再说，要说的时候，已经没机会了。 　　
有些事有很多机会做的，却一天一天推迟，想做的时候却发现没机会了。 　　
有些爱给了你很多机会，却不在意没在乎，想重视的时候已经没机会爱了。 　　

人生有时候，总是很讽刺。 　　
一转身可能就是一世。 　　
说好永远的，不知怎么就散了。
最后自己想来想去竟然也搞不清当初是什么原因分开彼此的。
然后，你忽然醒悟，感情原来是这么脆弱的。
经得起风雨，却经不起平凡；本来风雨同舟，天晴便各自散了。
也许只是赌气，也许只是因为小小的事。
幻想着和好的甜蜜，或重逢时的拥抱，
那个时候会是边流泪边捶打对方，还傻笑着。
该是多美的画面。 　　

没想到的是，一别竟是一辈子了。 　　
于是，各有各的生活，各自爱着别的人。
曾经相爱，现在已互不相干。 　　
即使在同一城市，也不曾再相逢。
某一天某一刻，走在同一条路上，也看不见对方。
先是感叹，后来是无奈。 　　
也许你很幸福，因为找到另一个适合自己的人。 　　
也许你不幸福，因为可能你这一生就只有那个人真正用心在你身上。 　　
很久很久，没有对方的消息，也不再想起这个人，也不想再想起这些事
学会珍惜身边的每一个人，或许那都会成为记忆的美好。

Special dedication to my love

It’s your birthday time again!

Another year has come and gone.

I want to recall,

The adventures we've had.

The friendship we've shared.

Through the good times and bad.

We've grown up together,

Through dreams and through happiness.

Through laughter and through tears.

Still remember?

Our conversations on the phone.

Beautiful memories will remain a disk.

I hope this birthday is the best one yet,

In every delightful way.

May all your birthday wishes come true

And have lots of fun!

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO MY DARLING

GIM . LING

New Zealand ... Till my next visit

12.09.09
Had wanted to blog about my short gateway to secret destination. But to some point, I kinda forgot the details due to laziness eventhough friends got me an Internet access. Appreciate Kah Heng for being so brother (Well, I figure sister is too girly for you big bull!), ensuring my last minute planned trip a success and marvellous surprise for my beloved babes! Haha. I still remember their saucer-eyed face and expressions, it's priceless! Woke Denise up and handed her the pressie. It puts a big big smile on my face whenever I thought of her foggy face. And Mon, she's such a cutie. Ben tried getting her to his room, but she hesitated. With tons of persuasion, she's finally convinced and boo, I affrighted her from back! So fun!

Am delighted to have them accompanied from the day I arrived in Auckland. Wish I could have stayed longer though. Enjoyed catching up over lunch, some sightseeing and tourist shopping. Not forgetting spending money and more money.

- Came all the way for you babe! Happy 21st Birthday! -

- Gossips and giggles! Head down to girls day out -

- Beautiful blooms -

- Healthy frozen yogurt, it says low fat! -

- Dressmart in Onehunga offers all the advantages of a big city mall with super cheap price! -

- Ice cream as promised! Wink. -

- Denise should get herself a Ballet flats! Your sneaker looks old babe. -

- Casino at Sky Tower -

- Kah Heng somehow bears some resemblance with this maori figure -

- Don't you love the scenery? -

- Scandal! Something I discovered during my trip! -

- Of luge and mini golf -

- Yup 5 rides and it's not even enough -

- Joyce, Krystabel, Denise and Monica -

- Howard damn tall, can? -

- Bibuu! Camwhore -

- Group pic! Cheesseeee -

- Kah Heng, Ben, Howard and Jae Shen -

 

- Bye bye Auckland! I dislike traveling with Pacific Blue. The seats are comfortless. -

- Looks heaven isn't it? -

Ahh, I'm missing all of you already, all the funny bits here and there.
I miss ...

01 When Kah Heng Ronald bully us.
02 Shopping with my darlings!
03 Playing Rummy. Thanks Ben for teaching me those tactics.
04 Blaff! Yes! Howard can't tell lies! Lol.
05 Sharing stories. Awesome listener you are.
06 A cup of milo every night before going to bed by Kah Heng.
07 Supper supper and supper!
08 Waking up in the evening and out till late night!
09 All the jokes and sarcasm!
10 Outdoor activities!

And more ... Appreciate all the concerns, I felt loved. I will, as promised, try getting my course transfer to Auckland for the coming semester. Finger cross that they will approve my application. Thanks a million to Benji for the airport ride. The trip was a worthwhile, we had a splendid time and great memories to treasure! I'm truely blessed having so many fantabulous friends around me. And nice chatting with you people despite of the tiredness after a whole day out. I love you!

"Just because I smile on the outside, doesn't mean that I am on the inside."

原来

街灯绊住我眼前下一步

拉长的影子嘲弄的回顾

电话亭仍留着你的话

一句话掉一滴泪
今晚的我会是如何入睡

原来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪

原来最残忍的画面可以甜言蜜语

我不懂得如何更爱你

影子讽刺地跟着我难分难离

原来最孤单的是我还是那么想你

原来最悲哀的是我无法面对自己

你收的干净

我也会不留一点痕迹

说故事也要像是真的

可是彆触动那些回忆

今夜你説了最后一句

一句话掉一滴泪

看来今晚的我很难入睡

词：张思尔/林秋离 曲：林俊杰

This song inspired me to pen a poem.
It narrates about someone's love-hate relationship.

Having to go through complicated moments are really harrowing.
It's okay if no one understands your struggle.

Because I believe one day you will seek the true love.

Take care,
-xoxo-

It was a wonderful scene
You caressed my hair gently

Hugged and kissed on my forehead
It’s difficult to express
How happy you’ve made me
The feelings of love were so real
That you’ve stirred in my heart

Unfortunately our hearts were forced to sever

We both knew
From the start it never promised to stay
My heart is feeling heavy
Flashes of memories hover in my mind
But for the broken heart
And mistakes we’ve made
We must endure all the pain
We ended up with tears

But what hurt most
Is the secret that can never be told

"You know when I hate you,
It is because I love you to a point a passion that unhinges my soul."
- by Julie de Lespinasse -

Loving spring break!

Boo! Excuse me for my absence. My days have been really hectic. I was on a secret mission during the spring break therefore I couldn't reveal much on tracks. It was such a fabulous vacation. I picked the right time, fled to a few places and had the pleasure of hanging out with the people I love. And yes! I've turned to be incredibly nocturnal recently. Lol. Too much partying and outings.

10.09.09

It was a Thursday night, we headed off to Academy for Frank's birthday celebration. Haa. Actually I was introduced just that night itself. Nice and interesting people they are though I wish I could have chatted with them abit longer. I tagged along since I'm meeting up with my babes in town the next day morning to Sydney. It was a great great night! Music was excellent and we had fun gleefully dancing along on the dancefloor. I got a little tipsy due to the amount of alcohol downed.

- With the birthday boy! -

- Lovely music that gives you a natural high to dance away -

- Comeliness people -

...................................................................................................................................................................

11.09.09

So, it was indeed an awing way to escape Sydney for a weekend with Qish and Rina. We left on Friday morning by bus. The journey was rather boring. Hour after hour, the scenery seems the same only. I'm loving the weather there, sunny yet cooling. Our time were properly utilised thus we managed to expose to some of the most beautiful places. We had our first lunch at this Chinese Restaurant. The food was acceptable but the service was ridiculously bad. I hate it when the waitress showed attitude! She looks as if I've murdered her mom or whatsoever okay! Pretends not seeing us when we requested for order; spoke to us impolitely during billing. Hello! I'm the customer and I don't pay to see your blardy face wtf! Can you imagine people like her ruining your day and appetite? Geez!

Anyway, as for the touristy activity of the day, we hoofed to the Chinatown, tucked into a giant indoor flea market for shopping, not forgetting checking out different cool eating spots! Hee. A friend once told me, no matter which country you are in, Chinatown rocks because you get dirt cheap items! Which is true, me spending extravagantly. I had a really refreshing bubble tea since I've been thirsting for them. This drink is addictive and I love the original flavour. Should consider finding franchise opportunities in Canberra. After dinner, we strolled through Darling Harbour to experience the beautiful city skyline of Sydney. We chilled at the Lindt Cafe after a long walk. Well, if you are passionate about chocolates, especially the creamy and rich kinds, you'll love it emphatically! It's much recommended. Before heading back to the hotel, we went for karaoke session with Qish's friends.

Day two in Sydney was extremely food-filled. We started off early at the Sydney Fish Market. Their dozens of fresh seafood options from oysters to sashimi sliced are really salivating. Unfortunately I got to rushed back to the hotel to catch a shuttle bus to the airport. Though we only explored a tiny parts of Sydney but it has certainly rocked my socks off and I'm going to pay a visit again! Looking forward for Bondi Beach!

- Camwhoring in the bus, we dozed off minutes later. -

- Beautiful lanterns aren't they? -

- Queen Victoria Building (If I'm not mistaken?) It's a shopping mall owned and managed by Malaysian company! Proud! -

- Some fountain with pretty lighting -

- Sushi as supper! We actually had dinner 15 minutes ago! -

- They serves really good sushi! Teriyaki Sushi, madly amazing! -

- Darling Harbour -

- Harbour bridge -

- A must for all those chocoholics out there! The dessert is so heavenly delicious! -

- Fatty koala, Australian arboreal marsupial. -

- Before my departure to New Zealand. Pack pack again! -

Uhh ... On a sidenote, I almost miss my flight! Apparently they couldn't trace my visa data which is so bodoo! And worst is I left my paper in Canberra. I wasn't allowed to go outta Aussie unless I show them my documents. But still, they sucks because they can't find my profile! And they make me walk the whole freaking airport, looking for any shop with Internet access to print my visa from my email! How troublesome isn't it. Bodoo people.

Am getting really tired now. I'll blog about my vacation in New Zealand soon. Take care!

Yikes! I'm awake at this ungodly hour. Kinda grouchy because I've been hitting the sack late these days. Boyfriend has been working ridiculously late hours due to the workloads. But being the sweet girlfriend like me, I stayed up all night so I could chat with him a little. He must have love me very much!

However, lacking of sleep tends to worsen my eye bags and increase the appearance of my dark circles thus it looks really fugly okay? And I'm so jealous of those that have super pretty glistened eyes! Well, maybe they are good at cover up? Too much concealer wtf! Anyway, to avoid being dubbed as a zombie, I decided to sleep early yesterday. But why is life treating me like this waking up at the crack of dawn?

Am here blogging now since I can't put myself back to bed. Still searching for inspiration. Dramaless life is killing me and the 2 weeks semester break, how am I gonna spend it? I don't wish my holidays to whizz by just like that? Friends from ANU are very much tied down by their assignments and exams, Pek Yee is having fun in Perth with the boyfriend while Rezza went back Malaysia yesterday morning for Raya.

Time is passing too fast without realizing it. Do you know how much I detest schmaltzy songs? Of all sudden, those fascinating memories and feelings just came rushing back and it certainly triggers your mind to recall past events. And tears began rolling down again due to the sourly end. Sigh.

Thinking about what has happened in the past, I have a slight resent about the present. Life was so much easier back then when parents will assist with every decisions making. But now we got to carry out responsibilities, drift with the flow and sometimes losing self directions. I tend to forget who I am and what I really want therefore afraid and restrained from pursuing my dreams. It's excruciating having to go through those complicated thoughts sometimes. I often perplexing every little simple thing. Why am I like this? Why is life a remix of different emotions?

Tag #1

【我的大名】黄慧宜
【我的生日】11/01
【谁传给你的】JoJo
【说出 7 个好朋友】太多了，因为跟每个朋友都谈不同的心事!
【生日想要得到什么礼物】庆祝我的生日! 不想一个人在国外度过!
【近期开心的事】Sherman 上班了
【近期压力大的事】Presentation!
【未來想做什么】女强人! 男人靠不了!
【有沒有喜欢的人】有
【同学会要回去找老师吗】时机允许就可以
【跟谁出去最幸福】男朋友
【如果你的两个好友吵架了】应该不会有这样的一天，最多冷战吧!
【跟情人出去最想去哪】Fine dining
【圣诞节要做啥】Party
【最想跟谁过圣诞节】男朋友、家人和朋友
【有几个兄弟姐妹】2
【最喜欢的一首歌 (女生)】Better In Time by Leona Lewis
【最喜欢的一首歌 (男生)】心跳 by Lee Hom
【喜欢什么颜色】白、紫、黑
【上厕所会不会先沖水】会
【喜欢男生还是女生】都喜欢
【最想大声说什么】我要嫁个有钱人! =.=
【半夜敢不敢自己上厕所】不敢，但是急尿能怎么办? 开所有的灯啰.
【上厕所会不会脫裤裤】不脱裤怎么上?
【谁很欠打】还有谁? 不就是 Housemate - Ryan
【现在很迷什么】Vanilla yogurt with fruits!
【睡相很差】简直象猪一样! 你想看吗?
【现在的时间】1710 P.M
【是否痛恨传给你点卷的人】怎么可能? 她是个可爱女生.
【今天天气】凉爽
【你怀孕了吗】开什么玩笑!
【你若中乐透最想做什么】带父母亲环游世界，是时候让他们享福了.
【大学生一定要玩的活动】化妆舞会
【什么事曾让你哭得很厉害】失恋?
【什么事是你最快乐的】当我收到妈妈寄给我的 Parcel! 有太多开心的回忆，记不起.

【点名人物】
01 Bear Lim
02 Bleach
03 Bubu
04 Cassandra
05 Chelsea
06 Cindy
07 Denise
08 Jordan
09 Kryptos
10 Shon

【1 号有沒有兄弟姐妹】有
【7 号姓氏】Yong
【10 号人缘好吗】好
【4 号有人追吗】她是个美女嘢！当然有，不过她已经是我朋友的女友啦!
【6 号喜欢的颜色是】紫色
【10 号是男还是】男
【8 号的兴趣是】Gym? Dance? Good food? Beatmania?
【8 号的生日是】02/08
【3 号和 10 号是朋友吗】不是
【4 号认识 6 号吗】不认识
【5 号读哪呢】Taylors College
【你怎么认识 10 号的】Blog! Friend of my friends.
【你跟 1 号的生日差几个月】2 年
【你和 8 号有出去玩过吗】希望有一天，他还蛮有趣和可爱的．
【你喜欢和 2 号聊天吗】喜欢，她很随和．
【你喜欢和 8 号在一起吗】认识不久，还没有机会．
【你觉得 7 号人怎样】善良
【你觉得 9 号人怎样】Smart, intelligent, nice and gentleman! Admire him!
【你爱 1 号吗】爱! 也很喜欢她的画!

【睡觉前第一件事】关灯! What else?
【起床前第一件事】赖床
【你的偶像是】Daddy!
【你喜欢的季节】秋
【你打过工吗】有
【打工次数】2
【你想去的国家】Europe and Japan
【你觉得朋友重要吗】当然! 没有朋友叫我怎么活?

Am having a hard time with the rollercoaster emotions.
Wanted to get all my assignments done but my mind resisted to.
The devil keeps telling me that it's fine to be a slacker. How evil!
"Endless tomorrows! ... ... ..."
And me going mad! Presentation tomorrow, nervous as usual.
Worst is I'm down with sorethroat and cough for almost a week or two?
I've been a huge eater lately, gormandizing myself with food and dessert hourly!
Guilty, perhaps it's the boredom that got my mouth itchy.Well, can you imagine I only had classes twice a week.
I need to find a part time job. And ermm ...
Who say skinny people don't struggle developing flabs!
For goodness sake, I don't need a belt for my jeans anymore wtf!

Can't wait for spring break!
Sydney! Imma visit you next week!
Tata winter!

A "sin ka" friend

I cannot bear it any longer when someone "sin ka" or you call it talk big?
I've heard rumours about this guy yet I wanna judge it myself by knowing him first.
But it seems like people that he just met lately have bad impressions towards him too.
He exaggerates all the time according to them.
What a way of drawing people's attention or interest huh?

I got damn sick of hearing his narration as his frequent storyline will be:

- Used to have ___ car. But it crashed when he got into accident due to racing bla bla~
- So and so (Apparently those pictures he showed are all pretty girls!) was his ex girlfriend.

However I never respond to him once. Until ...
The recent one I heard from my friend:

- Used to have muscly body! Which is? He went weight trainning before!

I can't stop giving the wtf stared at my friend wei.
Seriously, I think it has reached the extent of my acceptance.
I'm absolutely fine when he said he wanted to start working out.
But what's with the big body he used to have?
He hesitated in joining my friend to the gym.
While only depends on dumbbell to stimulate muscle growth and Milo as protein!
Uhh ... Please stop behaving like a kiddo.
It's so lame.

On a different note, I've received some good news from friends and colleague.
They are getting married! Envy.
Congratulations! Wishes from thousand miles away!
Friend showed off her niece's baby photograph collections yesterday.
Only a year old and is so adorable can? Chubby sial! So wanna pinch and bite her.
Here's a conversation between Pekky and I.

Pekky: Hey do you love kids and plan to have one?
Me: Maybe, depends on the husband. You?
Pekky: Well Chris said we must have babies because he doesn't want to waste his good look!
Me: ...................................... Wtf?

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY in advance!
Friends in Malaysia, have fun with the celebrations!

For the whole freaking night and day, the pesky connection just can't stop messing me up. Had a quarrel with the boyfriend, and I really really wanted to keep my temper under control and sort things out. But why did you keep testing on my patience and got me disconnected again and again until I got pissed and emo and whips out on the boyfriend despite of thinking the consequences. Wtf with the expensive charges getting this kind of services in return! And don't claimed that the problem is fixed whereas the connection isn't stable still! Uhhrrgg!

I shouldn't be blogging about love entries as I mentioned earlier. Damn it! Am upset and it felt like a knife stabbing into my heart now. I know it's not gonna be fine this time round. I never wanted to be like this. Why did he made that statement and lowered my dignity once again? Does he know how much it hurts? I'm so fatigued arguing over the same matter yet it never be resolved.

Fed up, because ...

- I AM THE WORST GIRLFRIEND - enough said.

Do you agree with me?

Was chatting with the boyfriend just now. He mentioned something about the science of sex appeal. I found it interesting when he told me that one of the research study illustrated that women tend to choose partners based on status or resources as a priority. Truth be told. Well don't blame the girls for being materialistic. It's a sense of security alright? Would you rather have a man or a boy to be your better half?

... I want a man, not a boy! Cheers~

• A man who is mature and gentleman.
• A man who is ambitious and plan well for his future.
• A man who knows how to appreciate and respect me.
• A man who controls his temper than yelling at you.
• A man who gives me freedom and always support me.
• A man who pampers me with little surprises that money can't buy.

No more lovey-dovey post from me! Apparently friends asked why is my status always about love and relationships. So emo. Hmm!

What a night!

People have been wondering whether I'm on a "vacation" in Aussie. (That's with sarcasm!) If you know me well enough, I definitely don't party alot okay! Peace. Perhaps once in a blue moon? Well, I reckon you wouldn't want to be called as antisocial? Moreover living in such a not-so-happening town like Canberra, we have really really limited entertainments.

- No hair bow They didn't wanna stay in shape! -

So, it's August again! Just realized it's the Independence month of Malaysia. The Malaysian Students' Council of Australia has organized a celebration event -Malam Gemilang- at Albert Hall yesterday to engrave the spirit of patriotism amongst the Malaysians. Friends and I were so excited in joining the festivity and it cost us a bunch that night itself. Am so broke now alright. Pfft!

- The agenda -

Entrance fees were rather costly which we later on found out that they excludes raffle tickets. There again, we purchased the raffle tickets to secure our opportunities for the lucky draws. Yea, that's what they claimed the amazing prizes and us, simply cheapskate! They invited the embassadors and that set my expectations higher assuming it should be a grand dinner night. Sadly, we're quite disappointed as we reached the venue. The building was under construction. Not much efforts on the decoration, no backdrop. Hmm ... I don't wish to evaluate anymore. Anyhow, I was touched at the moment where everyone raises their flag singing Keranamu Malaysia. Living abroad can really make one to appreciate their motherland more. For the first time, I'm proud to be a Malaysian. Good job people though it could have done better. Hugz! And the foods were very satisfying. God! I miss Malaysian cuisine! 2 thumbs up for the chefs man!

- My babes! Rina, Qish and Pekky -

- Yeah, am just so lucky! Was a little slumber when the emcee announced my no. This voucher worth what I've paid for! Giggles. -

- With Akram, the sexiest emcee ever! -

- Aww Malaysia! We all are missing home! -

- Cinderezza and his princesses -

We went partied at Mooseheads with the ANU friends after event. Pretty tired but still having fun in the beginning until my mood went down as soon as I saw a man approached and groped my friend. Wtf! He whispered that he wanted to get himself high on her okay! I was pissed when someone told us that this guy who molested my friend was one of the friend's classmate. I got effing irritated by those perverted fucktards that night! My idiot housemate offended me even before I left the house, yet here comes another. Was so annoyed by the housemate from China when he stood by the door and mumbled "waa ... waa ... waa ..." while we girls were getting dressed in the room. He even asked why did I wear so little and where were we heading to. (Though Rezza already notified him.) I swear he is a fucking busybody and I hate him and his weirdest nonsense like knocking on the door while you're bathing? Bastard! So damn wanna curse these people to death!

- Girls going wild yo! Rawr! -

Appreciate Rezza for taking us to his friend's house after the incident. We would rather wait for others than "enjoying" ourselves with reluctant smiles in the club. Am physically drained and my throat's inflamed. Didn't sleep for the whole damn day. Came back and got to rush on my assignments. Please click the [x] button if you find my complains are too much for you to digest. PMS at the moment.

Thanks Rina darling for the lovely photographs! <3